I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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