We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
