Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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