Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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