I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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