I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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