I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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