wake up i wanna do it froggy style
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
