if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
