Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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