So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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