i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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