were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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