The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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