That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
