Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
