I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
