You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
