Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
