NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize