im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize