my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
