I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
