HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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