im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
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