Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize