I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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