the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
