Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
