my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
