My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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