Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
