onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
