Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
