sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
is it fun? or sober?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
