Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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