somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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