This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
