i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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