It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
