my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Randomize
