I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
