I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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