it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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