no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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