Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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