sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize