If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Randomize
