I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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