oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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