I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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