It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize