i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
