My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
