There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
