doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
