My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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