Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
