Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize