Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
