Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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