I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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