Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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