no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
