You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
