thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
