You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
