I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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