We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize