Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
birth control should be required to get into college
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
