exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Randomize
