i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm like, not good at living.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
