Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize