Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
