that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize