I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
